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Just for Teens
I have been receiving quite a bit of mail from teenagers and other young women with unwanted pregnancies. The desperation and uncertainty you feel when you discover you are pregnant are unique to you. I have based my advice in this section on your emails and comments. I know you are in a difficult position, whether you want to end your pregnancy or you have lost a baby you didn't really want to begin with. I will do my best to help you, but understand that some of these topics are very controversial and most likely you will have to enlist the help of an understanding adult at some point. Always, always, call a doctor's office to get advice if you are concerned about anything. You don't even have to give them your name.

 

Topics:

I'm bleeding and no one knows I'm pregnant. What do I do?

I think I've had a miscarriage. How do I know for sure?

Do I need to go to the doctor if I think I've been pregnant and had a miscarriage?

I don't want this baby. Can I make myself have a miscarriage?

I didn't want this baby I lost. So why am I so sad?

I'm so sad about losing the baby, I think I want to get pregnant again right away.

 
I'm bleeding and no one knows I'm pregnant. What do I do?
 
Before you panic completely, check out the section on bleeding and cramping to learn a little more. 
 
If you fall into one of the categories below, you simply have to see a doctor. Your health is way more important than the embarrassment, anger and disappointment of your parents, or any other thing you may feel. 
 
Call a doctor immediately if the following has happened: 
  • You took a pregnancy test that was positive, then a later one was negative. This could be an ectopic pregnancy, which could cause hemorrhaging and even death. You MUST see a doctor immediately. If you feel sharp stabbing cramps in your shoulder or abdomen, go to an emergency room. 
  • You are feeling both cramping and bleeding at the same time. You may be miscarrying and you must be checked. 
  • The bleeding is enough to make you change pads (do not use tampons if you have had a positive pregnancy test.)

Feel free to call any OB/Gyn you can find, or a Planned Parenthood, and simply say you haven't been in for your first visit yet. They will help you. Make sure you know the day you last had a period.

 

I think I've had a miscarriage. How do I know for sure?

            The Signs of Miscarriage

  • Strong cramps that make you double over or breathe in a huffy way.
  • Heavy bleeding that soaks a pad in a few hours.
  • Passage of tissue, resembling large blood clots in the earliest weeks up to pinkish/grayish material.
A little bit of bleeding without cramping should be okay, but call a doctor. Small darting cramps are also okay, usually they just signal the body stretching and pulling to accommodate the growing baby.

 

Do I need to go to the doctor if I think I've been pregnant and had a miscarriage?

If you have had a positive pregnancy test and have lost the baby, yes, you absolutely must go to the doctor. You do not want to jeopardize your health.  If you are unsure about whether or not you were pregnant and lost the baby or if you were not pregnant to begin with, it always best to go a doctor or clinic. It is probably time to discuss a safe, effective method of birth control anyway.

 

I don't want this baby. Can I make myself have a miscarriage?
 
No, you can't. Movies often show women who fall down stairs or have accidents and lose their babies. This is not really true. The baby is well cushioned in the body and will not be harmed by falls, kicks, blows, or other violence to the stomach. Only the mother will get hurt. 
 
If you are here, reading this, then I know you are desperate. You have to get help from someone. Yes, it is going to be very hard. Embarrassing. Horrible. But so are the alternatives. You have options, wherever you are. Be wise and make your choices well.
 
I didn't want this baby I lost. So why am I so sad?
 
Even if the pregnancy was unwanted, you had charted a new course in your life. That new course is now gone and you are back to regular life. You are going to be sad and bewildered. This is expected. Even if you were going to give the baby up, you are sad because a little life is gone. Remember too that much of what you feel is part of the hormone changes your body is going through. All women experience a "baby blues" period after a pregnancy, regardless of how it ended. It will fade. You will feel better again. Give yourself some time.
 
I am so sad about losing the baby, I think I want to get pregnant again right away.
 
Part of what you feel is the hormone change going on in your body following the pregnancy. You will soon recover from this part of your loss. Make sure you are really thinking about what you want in your future before you makes such a huge decision. Remember all the challenges you were going to have to face if you had the baby. Are you ready to love and support and raise a child? Are you ready to give up all that has be sacrificed to make a baby happy? Who will be glad for you that you are pregnant again? 
 
Also remember that women are advised to wait several menstrual cycles before trying again. The risk of miscarriage is higher if you get pregnant again too soon. Definitely do not attempt a second pregnancy without visiting a doctor, who must make sure your body is ready for another pregnancy.
 
The time for babies will come. I hope you can wait until that time is right, hopefully when you are married and settled and everyone is joyful about the news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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